The (not so) Secret Life of a Cat Lady

I've done it!  I've started counting calories and quit the Dr. Pepper.  EEEK!! I'm doing it and there is nothing anyone can say to stop me.  I have made the decision to have gastric bypass in the spring and I have to begin now preparing for the surgery.  I don't mind at all, in fact I'm probably the most excited I have been since Harry Potter 7 came out!  My health has been iffy for years and though I am not ill because of being overweight as much as I am overweight because of being ill, I struggle daily with aches and pains I know will likely go away once I have this surgery.  The only thing I am stirring over is what will my head look like on a thinner me!?  I haven't been thin enough as an adult to know what it would be like to BE thin. 

I know I have a million changes ahead of me and by starting now I am assuring myself that I AM prepared to make those changes.  I will miss cheesecake and chinese food, I won't be able to indulge in those as much as I have in the past.  I can do without the sodas and even some of the starches ( I still get bummed at the thought of not having rice or potatoes).  And I don't even mind giving up my carne asada burrito, I want to be healthy again, errr as healthy as I can be anyway.  I know my seizures won't stop, they don't have anything to do with my weight.

More than anything, I am looking forward to all the opportunities that will open up to me after this.  I want to be an anthropologist and work in the field but until now I was afraid that wouldn't happen.  Now I see that it is very possible.  I want to get married and have kids and although I don't doubt it could happen right now, I feel the physical changes I am going to under go will only further strengthen my emotional wellbeing and prepare me for those blessings. I have denied myself the blessings of Sunday services and the temple because of low self esteem and poor self image.  Selfish I know but very true.  I know in my heart that the Lord will forgive me, I just have to let myself be forgiven and accept the blessings that will come from all of this. 

I know my Redeemer lives.  I know that I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father whom I love with all my heart and soul.  I know that I will be given the eternal blessings that He has in store for me when He feels I am ready for them.  The gifts that I have been given are immeasurable and sacred.  I pray everyday that I will be stronger, happy, healthy, and above all, humble and patient enough to hear the voice that will guide me through my life.  I am grateful for everything I have.