The (not so) Secret Life of a Cat Lady

He will die.  As of Saturday the 30th of July we've brought him home to be with his family.  The doctors have given him 4-6 weeks from this time as the cancer that originally was found in his jaw has now spread to his lungs and spine. For now the pain is managed and the affairs are being placed into order. 

My body aches, my heart is breaking and I don't sleep at night. My eternal perspective permits me to understand where he is going is where he is needed now.  I know that he will be better; I know that I will be ok.  Neverthless, the best friend who tolerates my incorrigable behavior and endless questions about things he doesn't have answers for won't be there to take me with him to town.  He won't be there to watch John Wayne or James Bond or Jason Bourne with.  I won't see his face and watch his eyes fill with tears when I graduate from BYU or finally meet and marry my own eternal companion. He won't be there! He won't be here!

Spirtually, yes.  I know I will feel his spirit with me every step of the way.  The Lord has promised me this and I do not doubt this to be a promise kept. Many nights have passed that have been filled with tears. Every bout ends quietly when I ask the Lord to take these burdens of sorrow from me.  He knows, as do I, that there will be many more nights of tears and sadness, anger and confusion. I pray that I will always have the strength to seek His mercy so that I may make it through this trying time.

This coming Saturday those in our family able to plan to attend the temple together.  Daddy feels that it may not be too much longer after that the Lord will call him to Him to his new position in the Celestial Kingdom.  I honestly don't know how it will be once he is gone.  I don't how I will be.  Will it be hopeless and will I shut down even though I am completely aware of the nature of our eternal blessings that await us? Or will this trip to the temple reassure me to such a degree that I will be rejuvenated and find the strength to endure this loss so that I may continue on with my dreams and goals as Daddy wants me to do. I pray for the latter for I have no room in my life for depression or misery.  I want to be happy.  I want to succeed and be strong.  I want to be with my Daddy again.